Quick thought from Dr Boyce Watkins:
Perhaps we should call out ignorance when we see it. This man has had 21 kids with 11 different women and can’t support the kids with his minimum wage job. What should be done to stop this kind of behavior?
Here are five quick thoughts for the brothers who collect baby’s mamas like they are Star Wars figurines….this is also for the women who choose to love them:
1) Be prepared to be broke for the rest of your life. Child support is no joke, and no one is going to feel sorry for you when you try to build a new life and get half of your paycheck garnished by the state. It may seem quite empowering to get all that female attention when you’re young, but with each bad decision, you are paving the way to a lifetime of grief.
2) By having a bunch of kids without the time or money to take care of them, you risk turning them into menaces to society. Kids without involved parents are more likely to go to prison, drop out of school, or end up on welfare. Our parents are our first teachers, and you are teaching your kids how to destroy themselves. Kids should succeed BECAUSE of their parents’ decisions, not IN SPITE of them.
3) There is no way that any man or woman who does this to their kids can actually love them. Let’s be clear – you love sex….you love reproduction….you might love saying that you have children (as if they are an accessory or possession, like a nice car), but you can’t possibly love your kids if you are bringing them into the world in a situation that is designed for their demise. For any man or woman who makes a long line of bad relationship decisions, the words “I love my baby” need to be backed up with constructive action.
4) Women are just as responsible as men. When you mate with an irresponsible man that you don’t know very well, very few of us are going to be sympathetic when you realize that he’s a dog. Mothers show love for their unborn children by only giving access to their wombs to men who’ve truly earned it, not the wannabe thug, playa-playa who takes her out to a nice dinner. The swag that charmed your panties off may be the same love potion he’s using on a dozen other women at the same damn time. Older women should warn younger women of the consequences of poor decision-making.
5) Note to those who love the feeling of sex without a condom: The rates of HIV, Chlamydia, Gonorrhea, HPV, Syphilis and Herpes are shooting through the roof in the black community. Most of those who are infected thought that these diseases only happen to other people. Has your partner gotten a full range of STD tests? Did you ask him/her? Did you see the results yourself? Do you know (or even care) what that person is doing when they are not in the bed with you? These questions might keep you out of an early grave….women like brave AIDS activist Rae Lewis Thornton (who speculates that her HIV status caused her to be disrespected and kicked out of the Delta Sigma Theta sorority this week) are trying to tell us something. What’s most interesting is that there are thousands of other women just like Rae who have remained silent about their status. It’s time for us to start having these difficult and taboo conversations.
Dr. Boyce Watkins is a Professor at Syracuse University and author of the forthcoming book, “The RAPP Sheet: Rising Above Psychological Poison.” To have Dr. Boyce commentary delivered to your email, please click here.